There are many of us to whom the festive season feels more morbid than celebratory in nature and this December was certainly a triumph in overcoming such morbidity.
The joyous period of the year, to be more precise Christmas week for me was spent in the hospital. I am a firm believer that everything that happens to you happens for a reason and until you learn from it, it will not go away. So there I was with a double whammy of asthma & Crohn’s attack wondering what to do.
I have been so preoccupied dealing with my Crohn’s that I had almost lost in touch with what it’s like being an asthmatic; yeah yeah, so I have just one lung, but it's been ten years since it happened so my mind decided I needn’t feel it in my everyday.
And then it hit me!
I have always embraced every single thing that has happened to me and being an asthmatic only reaffirmed me to do so even more. There’s nothing more unpleasant yet overwhelmingly beautiful about not being able to hold your breath, I mean it sounds so simple really; isn’t it? Just breathe. But when nothing you can consciously do can help you just breathe your mind begins to wander.
Where does my mind go?
You quickly begin to
“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life” — Steve Jobs
In fact, most people in their death beds agree that everything that they stressed about, mulled over and wrecked their minds for doesn’t matter and it is the choices one never makes that haunt us the most.
Let’s celebrate Death!
Its incredibly troubling to me that death isn’t celebrated as positively as life is. Let me explain; I am not talking about the rituals or ceremonies that begin once we are dead, but the ones that lay dormant, shy of the surface nonetheless breathing silence into our ears; death as affirmation!
Surely we are aware of death otherwise one wouldn’t strive to accomplish and have the need to leave behind a legacy which is the driving force of the modern human being. So why don’t we consciously acknowledge death in its magnitude? The only thing I am ever sure of in my most vulnerable times is that I will rise, stronger than before and that has always been right.
From the time I was told I might never be able to walk again, or talk again to the countless times I’ve been told I’m going to die; death has lost its grave sense of eeriness to me. I’m often referred to as the ‘zombie’ in my friends’ circle mostly because I refuse to give up & rise beyond all medically explainable circumstances.
I’m very grateful as 2014 comes to end and the fact that I spent the last week of it lying in a hospital bed, unable to breath & disabled by hope for a few days because it reminded me of everything that I’m made of. As a ten year old when I